Hollow Child.

So many things have happened during the last time I've written. I've found love, I've found a companion and Ive also fround out...that my house is too small to be remodeld! *Chuckles softly* But its looking good..never thought the house would even have hardwood floors...and the doors just look absolutely wonderful. When i sit out in front of them I feel like I'm in a japanese home.. I Dont know why..but it feels great.

Just ...feels good right now.. .to have the things I've always wanted. Love, change.

But why do I feel so sad...? why do I feel hollow on one moment and full the next?

I feel that something is truly wrong with me...

Yesterday, Jo-cake and I were writing stories together; where each of us is telling a chapter. But...when I wrote the description of mine... i said he was someone i really care for... and not someone i love. not telling the truth that he was my boyfriend. I mean hell, I want to scream it out to the world!!

I love him! I love Joel Molina! My Jo-cake!

But...there are things I fear. It seems that whenever I speak of things that I hold dear..things that I love. They get taken away from me... An evil eye of some sorts..a demon ...takes away all the things that I love..

It happened with my father. My friends. My mother... all of the things I look forward to..the things that I care most about..things that are rightfully mine that are taken away from some uncertain event. Death, Fights, no more attention.

Is it jsut that im superstitious? Is it becasue....because I put so much thought into it and thats its a coincedence? I felt that at first..that.. 'oh, its no biggie. its just a coincencedence. its not going to happen again' but then..it happens over and over..wehre i talk so much about someone , about something, that its gone from my grasp in an instant.

So..yes... I love Joel. I love him to death. If I had to pick someone to spend my life with it probably be him. Im just scared to say it. Not becuase I'm scared of my feelings...cause im scared of what the evil eye might do....

I guess I just..fear... "how long will this happiness last?"

Rp issues...

tons... of couse Gatita (my new cat character) and jo-cake are doing very well. As of now they kinda have adopted kids. baby bunnies! 8 of them. Names: Owen, Jessica, Lulu, Akito, Sheik, Glo, Chocobo, Esculidar.

Quote of the day

"I know I dont know you...but I want you..so bad. "

Lyric from Maroon 5's Secret