stretched in two ways..

Right now i dont know how i feel...

I have a headache..i feel pissed, enraged, furious! how can people be so stupid?! can you tell that i dont wanna be bothered?! >.< Like i didnt want to be bothered when i entered the house and yet you ...family wanted to bother me and piss me off! i just wanted to go to my room without being called...my god can that happen to me once? Im tired, lonely, and lustful dammit!

on the other hand..

ive never felt like this before....i actually look forward coming home. once i actually make it to my room i feel in a dream state. nothing could bother me...nothing. Im taken care of in the back of my mind...people love me. are they make believe or not...? it doesnt matter...theyre with me now.

::She closed her eyes, floating in mid-air, looking as if she was undewater::

mmmm....heart and mind torn up in different places..

Shoppin..

Well i went off and did the thing i usually dont do that much--go shopping at the mall. We went to the florin mall which has a lot of good new stores and stuff...it was hot as hell though.

I got 20 bucks to blow so i went off to get the following items:

-Dark brown bandana: a deep choclate colored with a sensual flower bandana print. Something to add to my bandana collection.

-wallet: black leather with white and silver stars in teh corner. So far..have 8 bucks in it...

-pen: black and blue flame pen. looks like those spikey/prickly beads. matches the beads on my persona bracelet.

-files: 3 for 2 bucks. good for my nails since sometimes they can be uneven. A purple and green one for my sis-in-law, a silver one or my momma and a blue and purple one for me.

-best friends keychains: two stars; one for each friend. my sissy-in-law got one for me...and we keep them together to show our closeness.. latched to my wallet.

-zodiac keychain: a black leather keychain with 'aquarius' written across it. now latched to my wallet since it match.

-jean chain: a silver chian with small spike balls on it. comes with blue/purple, pink/yellow, orange/yellow spikes.

-earrings: blue hoop earings with my zodiac sign on it. nuff said.

-ring: a small black cloth ring. One size fits all, yay! it has a the pirtate symbol ( skull and bones) on it with a heart.

-Wristband: black with the pirate sign on it. matches my ring.

RP issues..

nothing new..sorry.

Okay, i think im better now..

is this my 2nd post today? wow, i must really have some free time today. ahem..


mom went out on a date (with a guy, woot woot!) , shamont and sandy went to go hang out at the club and Carmel and I are home alone. I got all the stuff that i needed to get out of my chest and i feel 100 times better.

Also i took a nap, so that mightve helped too..

Anyway, i think im truly truly back to normal now. >>... and there was a comment left on my last post and heres what i have to say about it...well ill write it in an e-mail...

O.o to all that i have cornered into hearing my yelling and bitching and all that...forgive me.

To cure people's blindness..

For the past week ..and maybe all year...ive been dealing with the same shit. Being hurt, being pushed back, being in last place to see the well being of someone else.

But this week Ive gone to a boiling point and i think last night i just..snapped. I couldnt take it anymore and i had to speak my mind. I did, and a new feud had begun. *sigh* im kinda sick of it but i gotta speak my mind.

Anyway... im not too keen on talkin' about it right now. theres not that much to say. im gonna go and finish the 7th chapter and then go off with sammy to get some ice cream! Chocolate malt crunch..mmmm....

RP issues..

Naruto RP with Mike.

Transgender RP with Nick.

With new eyes, i am truly thankful..

Pretty good day today, got to school early and stuff and i saw Tianna. It was fine and stuff...her letter that she gave me yesterday was disturbing and it made me go into a 'fuck it all' kinda mood. I hate being in that mood..

She confuses me...as always.. .i dont know waht to do with her sometimes but at least shes getting better. I knew her emotions would come out sooner or later and its best that she at least talks to someone about it; and it doesnt hafta be me.

^__^ so yea, im kinda back in balance...a bit. I was hungry one moment and then lost my appetite the next. I think im still just trying to get back to normal...for Aquarians anyway.

So here i am, sitting here..contemplating on all the bad and the good.. and it makes me wonder... For the past year, ive been in more bad stuff than good. I mean, ive had more than my share of hurt feelings, some of my dreams havent come true ... just a whole bunch of dark stuff.

The only thing that i can think of that i have kept me going is my family and friends...sure family gets on my nerves and stuff but i dont know where would i be without them. My friends( i dont have that many) have been there for me through thick and thin. Last year i even found out who my true friends were and filtered them out...

And now that i think im truly TRULY done with this filtering...im at peace..

Now to worry about college. ^^ need to work on the essays and stuff for scholarships to get to San Fransisco! weee!! g'bai sac-town!

But not for another year ::smirks::


RP issues..

um...nick turned me to ashes and learned about the voices in my head; lust, death, and travel. He put me back together...but not after getting into a bit of a bitch argument with Shaman.

Um other than that..thats pretty much it.

Editors note

oh yea..sorry about the Hikari story, my friends...ive been a bit busy with my emotions that im not in the reall mood to write. however, i promise that ill write soon. maybe tommorow when im done sulking in my room for a bit.

And for the people thats reading both this and the Hikari tale...thank you so much..

Keep your cool

Alright...everything is kinda going in a bit of a rut. a couple of my friends broke up and its kinda getitng to me. I know it shouldnt but it just does...

You see...one was my friend since um...9th grade. we didnt really hang out but when we did it was still pretty close and everything

While the other ive known since 10th grade and through the other. Weve been super close and stuff, I guess since were both girls.

Anyway, im kinda stuck because..theyre both my friends! I wanna comfort them both so much at teh same time but i cant. One talks shit about the other in a way to vent out pain..the other fixed everything and made things right but still hurt. Oh god, i wish i could be there for both of them...

However, i know that one has a lot of caring friends so i dont really need to worry..i guess. ^___^ Meanwhile, for the other....

she wants to be left alone. she hurts me a lot..sometimes im sure she doesnt even know it. Most of the time, i notice, she hurts me when shes hurt herself so im just gonna leave her be. when shes in a better mood she can some to me. Its been like that forever-- an on and off relationship. to tell the truth, i dont liek it too much. how can you decide to be someone friend and then decide not to?

whatever...ima keep my cool. dont need to add anymore drama to my life..just speaking my mind.

RP issues..
sorry, but none. just trying to get my facts straight and wonrdering why i care so much for these people that im sure dont care.. .

whatever..

Oh, made Michael my brother...i think thats it.

Quotes..

mike said something that really stood out to me.. thought i'd share it

" I know, it's all falling apart. But you can't let your friend's depression get to you. When they break apart that's their choice and they have to live with it, not you"

oh, if you people didnt know...i dont deal well will negative changes...no matter what it is.whether if its my life or someone thats close to me..i cant deal with it.

aaand...

"Don't believe that things are impossible to fix, that just makes that statement true. If you believe that everything will be fine and can and will be fixed, then there will be the good chance that it will happen"


it seems that mike is always optimisitc when im not...

Shakespeare, marrage, and a J-pop. is that a good mix?

Today was actually a pretty good day. I didnt do so well yesterday since i was only running on 3 hours of sleep but im better now. Im not fully stable but hey...i dont even remember a day when i actually was.

Summer school went by really slow...we watched about 2 versions of Othello and took notes. Well..everyone else took notes, I was finding ways to draw dragons and titles for my story inbetween.

I did take notes though! >.<

And speaking of story..its going along pretty well. i wrote another chapter and im planning to write another a bit later..that is if my comp doesnt freeze.

After school i got to listen to my new CD's i got yesterday. I got the Sonic Adventure soundtrack and Ayumi Hamasaki 'Rainbow' CD. Theyre both pretty cool...something new to listen to while i walk.

Hmm...i talked to Tianna today. Nothing really new...or should i speak of. gonna keep it on the down-low since its none of yo business! >.<

I talked to Tom as well today. He was talking to me about this lottery they have so people can come to the U.S. it sounds a bit absurd but its pretty cool. Tom is a sweet guy yet people take that as weakness or something else. ::sighs:: i think he truly deserves to be an American.

Id even go as far as marrying him just so he can become a citizen. I know it sounds a bit weird but true. I told him that when we get married we can go off and get b/f and g/f to keep ourselves occupied while were married. XD when the cops come to check to see if were truly in love i told him that we can kiss and stuff and just go into the room and pretend to fuck. ::Cackles:: its hillarious! well to me anyway..

Other than that..i think thats pretty much it. Keep reading my story! its gonna get pretty good.. unless it already is to you..

RP issues..
mike and i did an RP a while back..but there was no real plot. O.o; i know..kinda weird..and i know that just isn me but but it was still pretty fun.

Other than that my friend, Xion, and i are switching ideas for comix and stuff.

Dinner at the Madd Hatter's..

New place to post it seems today for I am at Tianna's house. At first i didnt want to go becasue of all the shit that has been happening between us and cause i was tired and stuff. But after being rushed out of the house i was forced to come out of my tiger den to visit.

It wasnt too bad. For starters i got to finish reading the dark zodiac book that i got from the library. It was pretty good, found out some stuff about me. Im plainning to fix myself on this but then again--why fuck around with fate?

Appearantly Im an encyclopedia with a few pages missing. >.< ill fix it later, okay?

Alex is over here as well but it doesnt seem like hes in a good mood. I think he just wants a bit more attention than he's getting. I wanted to talk to him but i decided to leave it be..untill he, ya know..tries to start shit with me.

^__^ things are good, were gonna have dinner soon and i get to meet this Seff ive been hearing so much about. From the picture he looks like a pretty good guy, like a good version of Alex..of cours i could be wrong. Another black guy is supposed come over she says. I dont know if i should take that as a good thing or a bad thing. Ya know, competition and what not.

Anyway, ill come in and report later. Im gonna go play with the kittens!! ::Hops off::

RP issues
Well becasue of being rushed i didnt get to do much. I RPed with the red head one but i didnt get to go that far. Somethings wrong with DP though and i guess that the demon has to go and fix it.

Nick and I were into the court case between the Doppleganger twins or something liek taht. Appearantly they were copying soemone to do something naughty. Skratch came in to plead his case..its was pretty funny. Oh and i tried out my Zombie bracelet! it was da bomb, yo! ^__^; sorry, raver talk.

And to mike: im sorry .. i didnt mean to leave so apbruptly but i came to see my friend. please forgive me.

OTher news

I almost forgot..today is June 20th! Happy fathers day to all the men who were like fathers to me in my life! Also Im offcially 17 1/2! happy 1/2 birthday to me!!!

::Nique was laying in the old cemetary in brodway, which was full of beautiful old headstones and statues. She was laying in the arms of a stone angel, blindfolded buy you can hear soft sobs coming from her::

...what have i done? have I truly been so blind? After a bit of talking and discussing with myself i have seen what i have done. I have made wrongs as well...i thought so.

Ive heard from my friends, true friends that on giving advice i can be a bit pushy.... 4 friends i have asked and they seem to give me the same answer. Heres what i have to say...

Ive never...ever...mean to be so pushy. I never meant to hurt or make people angry. I just try to help. It does bother me how sometimes people make foolish decisions and I just wish to make things alright. I really dont like to see the ones i care for to be in any kind of pain or anguish and i suppose my caring can be..hurtful.

So i guess with me and my emotional self im just going to lay here and ...think. for a long time. I dont want to be bothered, I'll come to you. For the ones whove helped me with this problem..thank you...

im planning to make a new blog. its gonna be a tale with Hikari....consider it a romantic comedy.

site link: brokenhikari.blogspot.com

theres nothing on there yet, but just put it on your favorites if you want to be updated.
And speaking of stories: check out Tianna's werewolf story!

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Doll_Leigh

Old post...

This is made on Thursday...title: Long period of time, but its worth the wait.



Im so sorry my friends that i havent been around. I got in a bit of trouble and my punishment was not being able to have contact with the outside world. ::smirks:: however, the rebel in me has travled in the darkness of the night to come and bring you news.

::was dressed as Bakuryu as she speaks::

This week is the 1st week of the 1st session of summer school. Its going faster than I thought i would go and it makes me a bit better to know that ill still be able to enjoy my summer. My teacher is really nice and doesnt give us that much homework during the week so i can have fun. Whats not fun is how i get there---walking. Its good excercise...but i get there tired and a bit sweaty, my legs sore. I usually go into the bathroom to run some water over my face and I feel better. Im thinking of bringing face wash and stuff to school with me now so i can at least get clean.

Ms. Challis (my summer school teacher ) is really cool. I actually like her. Right now were doing shakespere's Othello which reminded me how much i like his writings. She likes my art and writing and as a gift she gave me two books from him. The merchant of Venince and Just how i like it . As soon as I finish A day late and dollar short Ill get to them. The book im currently reading is pretty good too.



Before that, like on sunday or something...Sammy came over! it was really nice to see him, he has a new family now. Appearantly hes living with a Black family and with 2 more foster kids. Hes even with his true brother and thats really nice. Hes not depressed anymore.

From what i heard hes going to Valley High and is in Football!! ^__^ that be pretty cool to see, id rather go to their games than our own.

Lets see...I got in trouble on Monday...so that day was the best! After school Tianna invited John and I to her house where we got to hang out. He had to wait about 2 hours...poor dear.

We didnt do much, just talked and made jokes. From what i heard Tianna and I are a couple of his many bitches he has. O.o; I have 14 kids with the red head, Oliver and Andrew are her and Johns kids. It was fun nonetheless...Johns an obvious Nymphomaniac.. like me! I told him next time we do this ill bring my camera so i can put them on my website. I need to bring in more visitors... *chuckles*

Oh, and speaking of Tianna---i decided to be her friend one last time. were not as close as before but its still friendship. ::sighs:: i want all to go well, thats all i wish for. Some people think im crazy....but i dont care. I really dont. I just hope this conflict is finally over and we can be more open with whats on her mind. I feel that was the only problem to tell the truth--we werent telling out true feelings with one another and it just builded up. Everything's cool now...i hope.

Now to talk about today: Nothing new, we continued to read and watch Othello. It was pretty nice and slow today..but things kept crawling up on my mind and heart. why do i feel this sudden..pushing away from Tianna once again? Does she not want me to be with her while shes in pain...is she in any pain?! I wish this friendship could be a bit better...but its all up to her to come to me now. And speaking of 'coming up', Alex came over! He walked and hung out w

::looks around suspiciously::

Im not really supposed to be here but i just hadta make a post. its been too long.

Well over summer break there has been a few changes around here. My sleeping habits, my eating habits, my free time and even some of the frienships. Some are for teh better, some are for worse but..theyre there just the same.

I just wanted to say hi to all yall and wish you a good summer and stuff...didnt do that before. To my friends i miss you already: we need to go and hang out sometimes.

And speaking of Hanging out im supposed to go to the library tommorow. that way i can catch up on some reading and what not. I wanna get some books on the zodiacs (greek and Chinese) and stuff like that. Fill you guys in on the details later--gotta go and clean.

RP issues
mike is still trying to impress Priestess by building up his magic skills..its not working though since she always surpasses him..

and also it seems that personas are trying ot fix things up .theyre taking a bit of vacation from each other to fix some things that me and the red head are going through. Some of its not working thought and it seems that it just makes matters worse.

As the sun retires ...

I dunno..thats a lyric from one of my most favorite love songs. :Smiles in content:: im feeling a bit better now. I got some things situated with a certain someone. Things are getting a bit better but then again--i still have a feeling that somethings not right. Like i'm not doing somethin right or something. I dont know...im just gonna give this one more try i suppose. then im gonna hafta go to the heavy material!

On another note, i took some quizzes! it was one of those 'lover or fighter' quizzes and here was my result:

Your score is 35. You are certainly a noncombatant in the game of love. You like things calm and collected and prefer to keep conflicts at a minimum. This does not mean that you don't stand up for yourself. When you feel very strongly about something or when your needs are not being met you will say something. However, you have the rare gift of being able to talk about uncomfortable things without everything blowing up in your face. Bravo! You are the ideal partner, easy going and loving most of the time but not afraid to speak up when something doesn't feel right to you. You do not need to change a thing!

That makes me feel even better. I think i can die happy.

RP issues:
none at the moment, although it was really crazy last night...
After signing a contact with Skratch i have the ability to have any lil SILLY wish id like. So far i have these:

-ability to turn into a purple ferret
-ability to turn into a zombie
-ability to lose flesh and organs (Skeleton)
-ability to hang people from trees by their undies
-ability to mimick voices
-ability to change gender

i think thats it..im making more. Fill you guys in on it later.

Um...mike and i played Super Smash Bros. Melee with our own characters. it was fun, i was Raichu and Nikuu was Mario. Priestess joined the fight dressed as Zelda but she finished it as Sheik. Quite fun.

Calm day and catching up

For some reason, i got up earlier than i thought I would. Since i didnt get to bed until about midnight i thought id sleep in but i actually got up at 7. I stayed in bed until 9 however since i didnt really wanna face the world.

After that i really didnt have anything to really do.I mean, i wasnt planning to get up until noon so nothing that i wanted to see was on t.v yet. Also I got online and the only real soul that was worth speaking too was Big Bro. So I took the time to catch up on stuff. This included pictures, a bit of comics, and some chores! mom wanted me to do a load of laundry and im doing as many as the laundry degergent would let me. ^___^ i'm almost done-and ill have clothes to wear!

Satuday i took my SAT so i didnt have a chance to take care of this stuff nor did i have the energy. oh my god the test was so tedious and the desks were small!!! >.< but i guess it was nice--i went to the school my older brothers graduated from. It was nice to walk down the paths they used to go through.

I thought i would see Tasha and John there but i didnt. they said they had to go and take the SAT @ the same school but i guess not.

*Sighs* i woke up angry for some reason... i guess it was the dream i had. I barely remember it--ill post it on my other site. Its gonna be short though..sorry folks.

RP issues
Saturday night was another full moon night and priestess ceremony! it was so she would be accepted among the elder caretakes of the forest. It was pretty cool--she has a bit of a new look now. just a little change in her hair and eyes.

Over the weekend Nick and I have been having interesting talks. Mostly about his new character, Critter! its supposed to be the Black Beasts daughter. >.< she wanted pictures of my son , Arkon. oh godddddd.....
And then this morning Passe destroyed Nikuu's fridge and i guess im on another adventure.

Other than that, i think thats all the really IMPORTANT stuff. people who werent listed--sorry. ::shrugs:: try a bit harder.

news from a different anchor

::Nikuumo walks over to the computer, looking a bit tired. In one hand was a nice cold soda the other was a sandwich. He sat down, a bit frustrated and started to type, eyes glowing silver::

dammit, i did this before and the computer is going to fucking mess up on me! but i might as well hurry up and get this done, i promise nique that i would.

Oh yea, about nique. She couldnt be here. Its a full moon tonight, 'nuff said.

I hung out with the lil one all day today but after 1st period I lost her. It seemed that her day was pretty slow since her finals were really easy. There was really no poitn to go to school from what i saw but she claimed that she wanted to see her friends one last time before she left. It looked like she was in a rush to see someone... I was confused.

If you ask me, she probably went to go and see that guy shes been contstantly talking about.
::The fox demon Growled, getting a bit jealous. He tried not to show it, looking away from the screen with a snort to calm himself-::

i sware, if i ever meet him and i find out that hes an ass I will rip him to shreds!

Nique was acting pretty weird due to the full moon i suppose. This morning she had no appetite but as night started to come closer she started to go on an feeding frenzy! lets see, she had 2 tacos, 2 nectarines a giant peice of watermelon, a granola bar, a banana, and a 2 sodas! not in one setting mind you but it was like everytime she would finish eating in about an hour tops she was hungry again!

I made sure she ate a bit more before she left tonight. she transformed pretty quickly. Usually it takes her a good 4 minutes but tonight she got it done in 1/2 the time! i think shes getting used to it. I'm proud of her.

She worried me though; she had a dream. usually i would be happy but she said her dream was disturbing. I will not speak of it; she already put it on her dream journal.

Anyway, i think thats pretty much it.

::the house was silent--that is until a crash was heard from the back sliding glass window. It was nique, in her full werewolf form, panting. she worn herself out from being chased by other wolves of the night. she stood up and let out a loud howl which sounded animalistic until she slowly started to transform to normal. she yelped, fell to her knees then to the ground, now back to normal, laying in a pool of a bit of blood and shattered glass. Nikuumo heard it all and groaned, ears flickering, eyes narrowing a bit::

Now if youll excuse me, i have a bit of mess to clean. Need to get nique tucked into bed before the moonlight gets her again.

::He posted, logged off and went to go and take care of business::

RP issues
It semeed that i got to Rp with a few friends. Just a few:

Tianna was on pretty early and we continued on a little thing where she introduced a new character Lira, whos a panther girl. Shes a bit Neurotic with a few trust isssues but she seems nice over all.

Duo-mun was raving about being a penquin and his penquin dance. then he did other dance which were really funny. my favorite one was when he imitated MC Hammer.

Mike and I RPed for a moment but since he starts work a @ 5 now I had to let him go sleep. he better make it up to me though

Answering of a question: Well tianna brought up something about Tora/Amethyst/Onyx's age and i'm here to tell you my frind that shes 22 going on 23. The cool thing about it though is that when she hits 20 her body's aging goes to a very very VERY slooooow pace. she probably wont even look 30 until shes about 100. Yup, living in the Mystic Ruins will do that to you.

As for Amethyst and Onyx--Theyre nothing more than Tora's conciences..life size! so theyve been with her since she was ever created...even while she was inside her mommys womb. Because of it theyre only about 10 mos--a year older than Tora. However, if you mean when they took on true Human form with minds and hearts and love of their own...it was about 5 years ago.

1/2 way done!!

Today i finished 1/2 of my finals---only two more to go! I'm pretty hyped up, nothing i dont think can go wrong. But now that i think about it, that Nickelback song is playing in my head... O.o;

::for the first time in a long while nikuumo comes inside the site, dressed up in his usual rocker clothes. His vest was wide open, buckles undone, arms covered with black tatoos that looked like vines.he grabs his gutair, sits and starts to sings an excerpt::

And it's like
Every time I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down and
Where it lands is where it should
This time it's like
The two of us should probably start to fight
'Cause something's gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feeling way too
damn good
Feelin' way too damn good

Sometimes I think best if left in the memory
It's better kept inside than left for good
Looking back each time they tried to tell me
Well somethings gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feelin' way too damn good ....

::the demon stops, take a bow and goes off to sulk, waiting for a new mission. nique just sat there and blinks::

um...yea...i'm just updating just a bit and wishing a certain somone a Happy Birtday! Go, Tasha, its yo b-day! Gonna party like its yo b-day! okay, i'm done... ::Blushes slightly::

I didnt see that many people today since it was a rush to get all the finals done. ::sniffles:: no lunchie either...
Um...but lets see, there were a few i got quick glances of. There was Jos'e, Alex (well i saw his hair), Shannon...i think. and I also saw Jon. He looked like he was really looking for someone. ::Blink blink::

Other than that, i cleaned a bit, took a shower and talked to the red-haired one. She told me a bit of interested stuff....and she wants to take a pictue of me and get me a cactus. ::Shrugs:: if she does get me a cactus i'm gonna give it a necklace and name it something nice.

IM issues
well theres quite a bit to say under this one! After going through another throe of worrying and depression John (another one, my friends) came and comforted me. He always gives me good advice and is very wise, although he doesnt have the bestest life in the world. Hes a kindred spirit i belive--one of many i need to search for. He then started to talk about stuff and we found out we..heh...have a bit in common.

Mike (one of my All- star Rpers) came to cheer me up as well. I added another animal i can transform into when i'm with him (I think i have about 5 so far) and we had a bit of fun with that...in a library. Nikuu came to play to! heheh...

Looking back, something which your not supposed to do

Tuesday was a hella short day--we got out @ 10:30. i noticed that a shitload of people didnt come, unless they had work to do or had to pay stuff back or something stupid. I was one of them; had to get some extra credit!!

But since i had a lot of free time i took the chance to reflect on a lot of crap. Now i know why movies usually say never look back. Cause theres a lot of crap your see that you really dont wanna see such as flaws, lies, depression and shadows. It also made me reflect on myself

Like a black rimmed mirror with the contrast colors on it.


lets reflect on a bit on this past school year, shall we?

Well it seemed that most of my life i stayed inside the school. I was here to 'support' the animation team for 3 hours and then come home to another version of hell to get a bite to eat, get some sleep and start the viscious cycle all over again. There was some bits of laughter, some fun and a bit of change but in no way how i would like it.

Hmm..and over this year, ive seen my friends for what they truly were. It was like..ya know, a Zelda Eye of Truth or something like that. My friends are divided in many ways, but then there are some who are complete, lone wolves you know? its fine and dandy and all but then they do some things that bring people down or piss them off or hurt them (and me) which i dont like at all. and friends usually dont do that to others so now i'm trying to...ya know get away from those kinda folks and stick to the true friends. sure, ill hang out with them, were still cool. i just gotta keep my distance in a way.


Ive lost a few friends as wel, which means that they were never really on my side in the first place. Its just..neutral which is how i want it. I dont want school (which is my 2nd ring of hell) to be a battlefield. Thats what grandma's house is for. But lately i havent been aroudn so i wouldnt know.

Ive been doing much better in my classes. I'm getting adjusted to my new way of living. Sure, i'm still bogged down with stuff but thats still fine, as long as i'm getting back up on stuff and moms bringing herself along as well... Ive also learned not to give so much of myself to help friends and family if all im doing is hurting myself. its not worth it and people will think they can do it again. it might hurt a few out there ,but its only for the best.

Same goes with advice--it gets pretty frustrating when you try to help out and people doesnt take your advice. Its like ....teaching kids math and you have the right answer but the kid keeps trying to say its wrong or just keeps ignoring it. You get pissed and you just...dont wanna help anymore. Some are more than others. I think all but 2-3 dont take my advice. I might give up on them soon--might be the only way for them to learn, ya know?
But on the other hand, ive seen the true me. Ive seen that i need more stuff than i thought i did; that i thought i could probably go without. Ive been sufferering from symptoms that people should never go through or do alone. so i'm thinking of going out there and changing my life. Taking all the kinks and past flaws out to make it even better; im gonna try to be a whole new person by the beginning of this school year.

Anyway, i think thats pretty much it and confessing it has made me better! Hoever reads this (which i hope is a few at least) ..thanx.

RP issues
Mike (woot woot) and Nikuu have been having a bit of fun and games with each other. Something a bit new since Nikuu has been outta hell a lot. DP hasnt been there and so she really has no purpose. i mean, even if m'lady was there she would be all bogged down with depression or the bit of "DL blues" and wouldnt wanna talk or play anyway. just sit at home and drink tea.
But hey, Mikes cheering her up and thats great! i just hope he doesnt splash any cold water on her... eh heh.

Duo-mun and I RPed as well..bu it was nothing new. its kinda like..um.. 'house' its not so fun anymore. we need action! gotta keep a girl busy!

Tianna hasnt been around.. she went with her sis and she hanged out with me a bit. just a bit. not as much as we used to but hey, things change i guess. so no new Rp yet. Ill see if i can get a new one started soon. or maybe bring up an old one--i do kinda miss joey.

Other news
for people who got my lil e-mail i really do mean what i said. thanks again.