Loss of Mind, Caged Spirit, Fog of Confusion
Well its happened, on Sunday I finally snapped. I woke up after having a strange dream and i just was full of anger and confusion. I didnt even know what i wanted to do anymore. I saw nothing but red and thought of nothing but to kill something and drown myself in cold water. But my mind has been put to rest a bit. I talked to my mom on the things on my mind...on how i need to have a change ...somehow. a change in me, a change in scenery..something . She agrees. But she also thinks i'm going through depression and might need to go on meds. I dont want to be on meds, but i dont feel like myself...i'm usually not this..agressive with anyone.
Oh...and tianna was supposed to come over on saturday but didnt. and after reading alex's website, i knew where she is. this didnt bother me; i'm glad that she was with some friends than out on the street like a prostitute ::half smile:, but she couldve warned me. I dont like to be used as an escape goat at all....it happened before and it pissed me off. yes, my calm, cool nature usually makes me a bit of a pushover but that kind of shit just gets you in more trouble than its worth..not with one person/party/group but two. and if you got yourself in that situation when you have to lie just to do what you want...then you deserve it and your just making it worse. I'm not going to be there to cover up for you anymore, red-head..better find someone else.
Oh...and mom's catching up to you two, guys. DONT LOOK @ ME! i didnt tell her shit...but shes getting suspicious. I try to lie and tell her that its not true, but shes not beliving it . why am i making this such a big deal? cause if she does find out she will never let you two come over again! no no, shell let Tianna come over seperately... Alex can come over by himself perhaps...but you would never be able to come and hang at my house together....isshonni. and i woudnt like that. you two still are my friends. i still love you to an extent just like its the same for me...right? anyway... sorry...
Well its happened, on Sunday I finally snapped. I woke up after having a strange dream and i just was full of anger and confusion. I didnt even know what i wanted to do anymore. I saw nothing but red and thought of nothing but to kill something and drown myself in cold water. But my mind has been put to rest a bit. I talked to my mom on the things on my mind...on how i need to have a change ...somehow. a change in me, a change in scenery..something . She agrees. But she also thinks i'm going through depression and might need to go on meds. I dont want to be on meds, but i dont feel like myself...i'm usually not this..agressive with anyone.
Oh...and tianna was supposed to come over on saturday but didnt. and after reading alex's website, i knew where she is. this didnt bother me; i'm glad that she was with some friends than out on the street like a prostitute ::half smile:, but she couldve warned me. I dont like to be used as an escape goat at all....it happened before and it pissed me off. yes, my calm, cool nature usually makes me a bit of a pushover but that kind of shit just gets you in more trouble than its worth..not with one person/party/group but two. and if you got yourself in that situation when you have to lie just to do what you want...then you deserve it and your just making it worse. I'm not going to be there to cover up for you anymore, red-head..better find someone else.
Oh...and mom's catching up to you two, guys. DONT LOOK @ ME! i didnt tell her shit...but shes getting suspicious. I try to lie and tell her that its not true, but shes not beliving it . why am i making this such a big deal? cause if she does find out she will never let you two come over again! no no, shell let Tianna come over seperately... Alex can come over by himself perhaps...but you would never be able to come and hang at my house together....isshonni. and i woudnt like that. you two still are my friends. i still love you to an extent just like its the same for me...right? anyway... sorry...
posted by Lady Sad'e at 9:32 PM
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